Latest Nonsenses

Shutups shut up their opponents? Are we shocked? SHUT UP!


Roller derby is all about results. Apart from the bits of it that aren’t. But this bit of this site is about the bits of it that are. Specifically, the results. TRENTON WHITSTABLE looked some stuff up on Flattrackstats then typed it out below.

CHAMP CHANGE: The month was, of course, dominated by British Championships action. The Hellfire Harlots and Royal Windsor picked up big wins in Tier 2, with other games taking place in every tier from three through to seventeen. Perhaps the most remarkable result was South Shields Shutups taking a 783-11 win over Ullerton Secondary in Tier 9 North North East. On closer examination, it appears the defeated side were a school chess club that had turned up at the wrong venue. Still, way to go Shutups!

CHESTER MINUTE: Away from Champs, arguably the biggest derby event of the month was the ‘Battle of the Chesters’. This tournament, which took place in Chester, featured women’s leagues from Manchester, Winchester, Rochester, Colchester and Cirenchester, although the last of these was swiftly eliminated on a technicality. Colchester Cannons took the win and are due to face the winners of the ‘Battle of the Hamptons’ that takes place next month in Hampton.

SCHÜTENBÜTEN: No fewer than eleven UK derby leagues travelled over to Stuttgart for this event. Seemingly they were under the impression that it was a major European roller derby tournament, whereas in fact it was an umbrella convention. Nonetheless, Rainy City won the prize for best T-shirts.

Stay tuned to for all the latest blah blah blah et cetera.

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